The Last Summer

- dancing through the last summer -

This is our last summer before our last baby bird flies the coop, leaves the nest, busts outta dodge. She turns 18 this week – ugh, she turns 18 this week! How did that happen? Some days it seems as simple as “the days are long, but the years are short” and I don’t disagree with that statement. Yet, the demands of busy schedules and having other children in the house had previously provided us the perfect distraction from “the day”. You know “the day” I am talking about. That day presents itself to each household in a different set of circumstances. To some, “the day” might be the day your new high school graduate moves to an apartment across town to start their new job or the day they leave to serve our country. It could come in the form of the first day you walk past their room and realize that they did NOT oversleep for the weight room or early practice because they have played their last game. To us, it will happen when we drive out of Ames, after leaving a piece of our heart in her dorm room.

The transition is something we all knew was coming. It’s been a storm on the horizon that was just out of sight. It was on the radar, but just far enough in the distance to not be alarmed. It’s the last summer before our family of five changes forever. It’s the last summer before I say “see you soon” to my last one. The dynamic of our family will forever be changed. Everyone who has gone through this knows what I'm talking about. I’ve done this twice and I should know how things will go, right?? Well, sound the alarm, the last summer has arrived. As we all know, after a storm there is the promise of a sky full of sunshine.

I’ve made myself a few promises that I am going to keep this summer.

I won’t cry EVERY day.

I am kidding…maybe. I promised myself I would try (and when I say that I mean it, I will TRY) to celebrate the lasts with them during their senior year and not be a sobbing mess. Knowing it is the last time they will be on the field or on the stage or in the recital is HARD, but it’s a necessary step in what it means to be growing up. It’s that crazy mixture of pride for them, sadness it’s over and excitement for what is next. I also want to acknowledge that we (as parents) are DONE with the volunteering, the team snacks, the pre-game meals, and the washing the uniforms at all hours of the night. That is worth a little celebration!

I will support (and not judge) others as we navigate the transition.

I cannot tell you the number of girlfriends that have reached out to me asking how in the holy hell I got through my last two drop offs with my boys. I am clearly putting off the “she’s going to really struggle with this” vibe and I DID STRUGGLE and I STILL DO STRUGGLE. Every goodbye is hard for me. Some days I cry and some days I put on a smile - and often, it depends on how much sleep I’ve had. Judge me all you want – I am ok with that judgement. The judgement doesn’t mean anything more than we are navigating this “empty nest” thing differently. I am so excited for those of my friends who are living their best life as empty nesters. They’ve seemed to find a new normal quite nicely and I am happy for them. But I am not envious. I am embracing my squiggly, not even close to straight line, journey to a new normal. Just know I will celebrate and support your journey to get there, too. Call me, text me, email me at all hours of the day or night. We need each other – this is not the same journey for everyone.

I won’t count our days.

I’m sharing my girl these days. The pull of those things that make her so undeniably happy is natural and I’m proud to see her navigate this maturing and adulthood. It is a hard chapter to read when you know how the book ends. Our job as mothers never really goes away, but it changes (quite dramatically) in each stage of childhood. Just think about the infant, toddler, pre-teen (eek), and teenager needs that we’ve met as mothers. This next phase involves LETTING GO. We go from feeding, changing, making sure they brush their teeth, wake up for practice, and do their homework to LETTING GO! Logically, I know she’s ready and this is the goal as a parent, right? DUH, what is logic? Sometimes, I desperately want to go back to those days when they complained about taking their baths and doing their reading assignments before an 8pm bedtime. Sometimes, I want to fast forward to a time when I know they’ve all entered the phase of life where our grandkids are eating pancakes at our kitchen table, the same table that those reading assignments were begrudgingly completed. Yet, ultimately, I’m learning more about motherhood by living in the moment with all of them. The hard times when I know they are making the wrong choices, the good times when they studied so hard, and it paid off, the great times when you see how excited they are to be home for the weekend and even those tough goodbyes, after a long winter break, when you just got used to having them around again. Letting go is all about living in the moment and not counting the days.

I am by no means a parenting expert. I screw up daily (probably multiple times a day) and I pray my family gives me grace. I am the kind of parent that tells them what they NEED to know and not what they WANT to hear and that’s difficult on both ends of the conversation. My biggest wish is that they always want to come home and they always know they can come home. The goal is to raise them to fly and for them to know the nest is always theirs, too.

This is the last summer and I promise to live in the moment.

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When our first son went to college, my dear friend Mel gifted me this book. You will love it, too!

Release My Grip - by Kami Gilmour

Hope for a Parent's Heart as Kids Leave the Nest and Learn to Fly